Britney Spears‘ tell all, “the woman inside me,” is finally here. In the 275-page memoir, Spears describes her journey through pop stardom and her highly publicized conservatorship battle — without skimping on the details.
The book is dedicated to her two sons, but the pop icon wrote a special note to her fans in the acknowledgments: “My heart will always be grateful to you. This book is for you.”
Spears credits her fans for giving her strength during the darkest hours of her fight for freedom. “I don’t think people knew how much the #FreeBritney movement meant to me, especially in the beginning,” she writes.
“I was not well, not at all. And the fact that my friends and my fans realized what was happening and did all that for me, it’s a debt I can never repay. If you stood up for me when I couldn’t stand up for myself: From the bottom of my heart, thank you.
Read on for the five biggest reveals of the entertaining page-turner.
She Was Almost in ‘Chicago’ — and She Has Complicated Feelings About Acting
Spears says she inadvertently began method acting during her first film, “Crossroads.” “It’s like a cloud or something came over me and I turned into a girl named Lucy.” It took her several months to break free from her character’s personality, which she felt was somewhat relieved when she lost the lead role in “The Notebook” to Rachel McAdams.
“Even though it would have been fun to reconnect with Ryan Gosling after our time on ‘The Mickey Mouse Club,’ I’m glad I didn’t. If I had, I would have gone back to working on my album ‘In the Zone.’ Instead of working day and night like a 1940s heiress.
However, there is one role that he regrets turning down. He was offered a role in the 2002 film adaptation of “Chicago” as “a villain who kills a man, and dances and sings while doing it.”
“I should have done this. I had the power at that time; I wish I had used it more thoughtfully, been more rebellious,” she writes. “If I was brave enough to not stay in my safe zone, and do more things that were beyond my knowledge. But I was determined not to rock the boat and not to complain even if something troubled me.”
After getting pregnant with Justin Timberlake’s child, she suffered a miscarriage
Spears details the early days of her relationship with Justin Timberlake, from their first kiss at a “Mickey Mouse Club” party to her iconic denim-on-denim look from the 2001 American Music Awards. She says things were not as perfect as they seemed, however, writing, “There were times in our relationship when I knew Justin had cheated on me.”
She didn’t talk to him about the infidelity, but she did have an affair with choreographer Wade Robson, dancing with him at a bar and having an affair. She confessed to Timberlake and they decided to live together.
When she became pregnant, Spears says, “It was a surprise, but it wasn’t a tragedy for me,” adding that she always wanted a family with Timberlake. When he did not share her enthusiasm, Spears agreed to have an abortion. “If it had been left to me, I would never have done it. And yet Justin was so sure he didn’t want to be a father.”
Spears then went on to describe the physical pain of the miscarriage in detail, calling it “one of the most painful things I have ever experienced.”
While Timberlake was on the set of the “Overprotected” Darkchild remix music video, he broke up with Spears via text message.
She had a two-week relationship with Colin Farrell
After her breakup with Justin Timberlake, Spears set her sights on Colin Farrell. She learned he would be shooting a movie nearby, so she crashed the set of “S.W.A.T.”
“We will fight for two weeks. Controversy That’s the only word for it – we were on top of each other, battling so passionately that it felt like we were in a street fight.”
Spears writes that she tried to convince herself that the meeting was no big deal, but, she adds, “For a while I thought there might be something there.”
His Diane Sawyer interview was a “breaking point”
Spears was told by her team that she would be expected to talk with Diane Sawyer on the couch in her apartment, which upset her: “I would often go to my apartment to be alone; Now I was being forced to sit there talking to Diane Sawyer and cry in front of the entire country.
Spears was told none of the questions were “100 percent embarrassing” ahead of time. “I should not have been forced to speak on national TV, should not have been forced to cry in front of this stranger, a woman who was constantly coming after me with harsh question after question. “Instead, I felt like I was exploited, put on display for the whole world to see.”
She calls the interview “a breaking point for me internally”, thinking that moving forward on her own would be a better approach than airing her issues publicly. “But I had no choice. It seemed like no one really cared how I felt.”
Sister Jamie Lynn was “really disappointed” in him, but she is “working to feel more compassion” with him.
When she was placed in a mental health facility for months under his guardianship, he messaged younger sister Jamie Lynn asking her to help him get out. “Stop fighting it. There’s nothing you can do about it, so stop fighting it,” she replied.
When Britney returned from the facility, Jamie Lynn pushed her to work on joint projects, including a sister talk show, a sitcom, and a rom-com.
Once the conservatorship ended, Brittany felt “betrayed” by her family. “My sister and I were supposed to find solace in each other, but unfortunately that didn’t happen. Because I was fighting stereotypes and getting a lot of press attention, she was taking advantage of it to write a book. He spread salacious stories about me, many of which were sad and humiliating. I was really disappointed.”
Britney acknowledges Jamie Lynn’s own struggles, from growing up after a divorce to her daughter’s fatal accident. “She will always be my sister and I love her and her beautiful family,” she writes. “I’m working on feeling more compassion than anger toward her and everyone I care about. I feel they have been unfair to me. It is not easy.”